In the Stars…

This was over a week ago now, but honestly, I’ve had trouble processing it all to put into words. Ella, Noah & I went to Montreal for the long Labor Day weekend. This was a trip we planned back in May. It all started when the Benson Boone tour was announced. He was the top of my list for concerts to see in the near future. At first I didn’t think it would work out so I gave up looking at tickets, but then a few days later, Canadian locations popped into my mind and I looked at Montreal. What made it extra special was that it fell on August 30th, Brianna’s birthday and when I saw that, I knew it had to happen. The concert became my birthday gift and the money I received for my birthday went into this trip.

Loss is hard. It never really leaves you, it just changes over time. August 30th never passes by without me thinking about the day she was born. It was 22 years ago, so with each passing year some of the memories blur together a bit, but there are a few that I don’t think will ever fade and I am grateful for those.

If you’ve read my past posts about Brianna you know that I’ve mentioned multiple times that she made me the mother I am today. I don’t know the mother I would have been if she would have lived, but I do know that her death prioritized the lives of all of my children going forward in a way I can’t quite describe. My work, how I am with my children, the things we do together, vacations we take, memories we make all stem from that one day. It all changed and once the anger and guilt left, I channeled all other feelings into my parenting.

Back to August 30th… we are at the Bell Centre watching the concert. I have to say, it felt surreal almost the whole time. One of the first songs of Benson Boone’s that I really feel in love with was “In the Stars”. At the concert he shared a heartfelt message to everyone about losing a loved one and that even though we all come together from places, cultures, backgrounds, etc “everybody here standing in front of me and standing behind me is going to lose somebody in their life at some point”. He encouraged the audience to remember and honor the people they’ve lost, emphasizing that “life is so beautiful,” even through the pain of loss. Everyone in that place was connected for that reason.

I cried through most of that song. He sang it as beautifully as he always does. People had their flashlights out and Ella had her arm around me and it was just an incredible moment for me. I am confident that one day I will make many memories with Brianna, but in the meantime I believe that she is watching over us.

That concert was such an incredible experience for me. As a huge fan who has followed his journey and then being able to attend and have that moment on Brianna’s birthday… I just still can’t put it into the right words, but I can say, I’m incredibly thankful. I laughed, I cried, I glowed, I just was… 💕